I feel like right now everyone in the country is doing 1 of three things: 1. cooking 2. traveling or 3. cleaning. Perhaps you're not doing any of those things because maybe you already did or eventually you will. We are not doing any of those things despite the fact that we are having Thanksgiving here tomorrow.
I haven't mentioned yet how
irritated I am with the fact that we are doing Thanksgiving here. It has nothing to do with the fact that I don't like how all of the cooking takes hours and hours and then you sit and eat and the food is gone in 10 or 15 minutes flat and then on top of that you spend a while cleaning and storing food. I hate cooking anyway so this dislike of cooking is amplified 10x. I am irritated because my mom has to work during the day (she is a nurse and opted to do Thanksgiving so she could be home on Christmas) so that means Jarod and I will be having our own Thanksgiving. That wouldn't bother me so much if it were just the two of us.
They say that it doesn't matter where you are but who you are with. This is a case of who we won't be with. My Mother-in-law and her on again, off again "boyfriend" will be coming over. Normally people wouldn't think much of that but thankfully I have a few friends who know what it is like to have a "crazy" MIL so they can empathize with me. That makes me feel a
little bit better. I wish that MIL and I got along so well that we could go shopping together, or meet up for lunch-just the two of us, or even chat on the phone. I have a friend who recently got engaged and she gets along so well with her soon-to-be MIL. I always feel a pang of jealousy when I hear stories like that. Of course, I am truly happy for my friends, and the fact that they get to experience the kind of relationship that I had once dreamed of having, and I just smile and nod when they explain their relationship with their MIL's but inside I am screaming.
I am screaming at the fact that I can't stand the
SOUND of my MIL's voice. I can't stand the fact that it takes her 1 minute longer than it should to get a sentence out. I can't stand the fact that I know she has talked crap about me to my sister-in-law. Once that came to my attention all hopes of building a better relationship with this woman vanished. How can I build a friendship with a 60 year old woman who acts like she is 20? So selfish and game playing. She always has to build herself up like she is an angel and never does anything wrong. I hate how her sons seems to be under a spell with her. Yes, she is their mother and I wouldn't really like it if my husband was disrespectful to their mother, but at the same time they never do or say anything to her that might make her realize that she isn't the only one in the universe.
So you see, this is why I am irritated about Thanksgiving tomorrow. The fact that I will have to just smile and nod
all day long while this woman and her friend are at our house all damn day. When what I
really want to do is be with my family, enjoying the traditions that I have had since I was a little girl. Hubs parents got a divorce when he was 14 and even before then it didn't seem like they had any kind of family traditions in their household so J really doesn't understand the weight that traditions hold on my heart. It doesn't matter that we'll be going to my parent's house in the evening for dessert, it won't be the same and at this moment in time I am not ok with that.
Everything is always changing and the one thing I can always count on is the same kind of holiday celebration and now that is not happening, this year, at least. I do realize that eventually J and I will start our own family traditions once we have little ones, but for now I just want to do what I have always done. It sounds selfish, that I don't want to be with J's family, but if you knew them, if you could see how they acted, you would understand. You would get it and you would want to be with my family, too.
I realize Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the things we have and I have done that. I just can't seem to get past this idea of what tomorrow could potentially be like. I know it will be fine, because it has to. I just wish I didn't feel so shitty about it and that I wasn't already wishing the day away.
